Party Time!

Saturday, November 9, 2013           

Blog Four: Party Time!

            This week, Ally, a classmate of mine, and I had decided to plan a birthday party for the father, Micheal.  We had shared a children’s book about traditional American birthday parties with them.  A few days later we heard from their World Relief caseworker that they were excited.  We still were unsure what to expect.  Going into it I had really wanted them to enjoy it and I had also wanted them to understand the tradition of making someone feel good on their day.

            With our cake, ice cream, pin the tail on the donkey, party favors (which consisted of Kleenex, chap stick, a small toy, a toothbrush, and some candy), balloons, noise makers, and some paper, markers, scissors, and glue sticks (to make paper chain decorations), we walked into their apartment.  They were excited to see us, as always. Doh Moo (the 12 year old boy) even began to sing, “Happy birthday to you.”  Straight to the living room we went, most likely because we were so worried that they would not enjoy the day that we went to the place that we were the most comfortable.  I was worried that I was pushing my culture onto them, or being ethnocentric.

            We began the party by making the paper chains.  I felt most comfortable showing them how to complete this simple craft because I thought that they could use it for other things as well and for very little cost.  After we began the activity I went into the kitchen to begin baking the cupcakes.  I thought that we could share this fun activity of reading the recipe on the box to make them.  I am not sure if they had used to the oven before or not.  Eh Clare (a family member of theirs who has been in the country for several years and speaks English well) came into the kitchen and he seemed to be the most excited.  This could have been because he understood what we were going to do.  His brother (does not speak as well as his older brother) was excited and just as my own children would do kept asking if they were done (even before we had them in the oven).

            Once I realized that no one was following me into the kitchen I went out into the living room to recruit family members to help.  While I was in the living room Micheal showed me a banner that he was taping to the wall that said, “Happy Birthday Micheal and Anna.”  My birthday was the following week.  How wonderful that they had thought of me enough to make a banner to include me!?  I found Aye Mya (the mother) and Paw Hare (the 14 year old girl) and asked if they wanted to help.  I wondered later if it was because of the traditional role that I play within my family for the woman to cook that I found them or if it was because they were the two that we were not busy decorating.

            While in the kitchen we cracked the eggs, I explained that they were chicken eggs (unknowing if they were aware of that or not) and then started the mixer.  This was everyone’s favorite part.  Although they did not get excited about it as they do when they think that something is amusing they did seem like they had never experienced it before.  The two of them brought others into the kitchen to participate in the mixing.  While the cupcakes were in the oven Aye Mya stayed in the kitchen with me.  Micheal kept coming in to open the oven and look in.  There was so much going on that I did not ask why he kept doing that.  I did wonder if it was because he had never baked anything before.

            While I had been there around Halloween Micheal and Aye Mya had let me know that they were not a big fan of the candy that was handed out.  They said that they had candy where they were from, but it was not as sweet.  This made me worry that when we had cake and ice cream that they would not be thrilled about the sweetness (also another reason why I am worried about inviting them to my house for dinner).  I was wrong!  Everyone loved decorating the cupcakes and really enjoyed the ice cream.  Even Eh Tha Dah Say (the baby) enjoyed the ice cream.  While the baby and Aye Mya were enjoying the ice cream Micheal gave the baby another toy to play with while the mother took the bowl of ice cream and placed it in the kitchen (to have the baby take  a break from it).  I enjoyed this little distraction because my husband and I have done the same thing to our child when she was an infant.  So, I guess distraction or redirection of an infant is cross-cultural, too!

            During the entire party we tried to take pictures.  I did not ask their permission to post the photographs so I will not do that, but during the process I noticed some interesting things.  At the very beginning I was surprised that Micheal brought out a camera.  Kelly, the volunteer organizer had mentioned a family photograph for a gift idea (I had asked what I could get them).  She thought that it would not be likely that they had any pictures of their family.  In taking our photos I noticed that the mother did not smile.  The baby did not smile at all, either.  This was quite interesting because Micheal and their other children smiled.  When my daughter was the age of the baby (18 months) she smiled when someone pointed a camera at her.  I also thought that it was interesting that the oldest daughter, Paw Hare had a facial expression that was between a serious face and a smile.

            At first I thought that this was because of their cultural adaptation process.  I thought that maybe the mother was at a different step in the process than the other family members.  It seemed as though they might be at the assimilation step, where they are taking on the American cultural practices or norms.  The mother may be more at the separation step, in which a person may not want a relationship with the American cultural characteristics.  Looking at it now I am not sure if this is the case or if it is that in their culture the women have more of a quiet, or inferior role, standing behind the males in the family.

            I left the party feeling that I have built a relationship with the family.  I am still feeling that I need to use more of my resources in order to better help/serve the family.  They only have an allotted amount of time in which they receive services from world relief and I am not comfortable saying that, “My time here is done” or that I have helped them in any significant way.  I refuse to give into the idea that I have learned all that I need to of this family and their culture (this is called premature closer).

            Throughout the rest of my experiences with this family I plan to ask more questions to continue my learning experience of the family and their culture, while being mindful that I do not pressure them to behave in the way that an individual in the American culture does.  I want to only help them reduce the stress of living in a different culture.  Hopefully my time with the family will help them reduce their uncertainty avoidance, or avoidance and the stress of the unfamiliar, by having some general knowledge of our traditions and cultural characteristics, which would allow for them to complete the adaptation process with acculturation (retain culture, but adapt aspects) or assimilation (taking on the American culture’s beliefs and social norms).  This would help them feel more like they belong and less like outsiders.

            Feeling a sense of belonging may be a long way off for this family, but I hope that I can help with that process.