Introduction to the family: Who knew I was so egocentric?

Saturday, October 12^, 2013

Blog Two: Introduction to the family: Who knew I was so egocentric?

The first day that I met the Kai family went similarly to meeting a new family from the United States.  Kelly the contact from World Relief, Derek, from class, and I sat on the floor of their apartment in the living room.  Everyone took a turn introducing themselves.  After that, things were different.  Kelly led the meeting.  She quizzed them on body parts, letters, colors, nouns, and plural nouns using flashcard and children’s books. 

After two hours of sitting on their floor I felt discouraged.  I felt that they were in need of things, warmer clothes, more furniture, and maybe food.  I felt discouraged that I was supposed to help them and did not really understand how it was that I could help them.  After all, I am going to school to become a counselor, not an English teacher.  As we walked out of their apartment, I asked Kelly if they needed anything because I was going into help mode (thinking of everyone that I knew that had children their ages and might have clothes, furniture and things that I could give them).  She said that she was not sure.  I was shocked; I felt that she should have known if anyone did.  Kelly told me that hopefully there would be someone there that knew a little English that I could ask the next time that I visited.

At the end of my first experience with this new family I felt lost.  I felt uneducated in the ways that they needed me to be educated.  In analyzing my first visit I felt overwhelmed.  In not having shared meanings with this family (we did not speak the same language, we were not from the same cultures), I felt a long way from coming to any sort of effective communication (which is where I believe that I would help them the most).  My perception of them was one of misfortune and need. 

I was wrong.  In looking at my idea of their misfortune I realize that I was not using basic tools for intercultural competence.  In terms of interaction posture, or the ability to interact without judgment, I was not able to do so.  Instead of people whom I have never met before I was placing my ideas of what a family needs onto the family (pretty egocentric of me).  It was not fair of me. 

This family is of Burmese culture, which is a collectivist culture; they do not place value on material things (especially as much as we do).  I was imposing our individualist culture onto them which was not right.  In looking back at the encounter I was surprised on how close in proximity they were to each other.  Their living room is fairly big and we were all still sitting extremely close to each other on the floor, but this family was all touching.  They were leaning, lying on top of each other, and helping one another with their English.  Had this encounter been switched around to my family I can almost guarantee that we would not have been sitting on our living room floor.  We would have been sitting at the dining room table in our own chairs, not touching.  I can only hope that my husband, two daughters and I would be as supportive of each other as they were.

Note: I asked them the next time if they were in need of anything (clothing, food, winter items) they said no. I believed them.